fall and being alive.

i really love fall. i think it's short in washington, but at least it exists. today it exists. there are only wispy clouds in the sky today. no sign of rain; and so many trees lining every street, some of them covered with evidence of fall. red, yellow, orange, even light green; and then the air is crisp and cool; and i feel alive.

i think sometimes it's hard for me to feel alive. like there is a beating heart inside my body. like there is hope.

something im afraid of is getting stuck where i am. in a routine. in a certain place with no hope of change. it's weird that i fear it so much because all life is, is change. everyday is a change. every morning is a new chance for another day of unpredictable life. nothing ever stays exactly the same, even inside of routine. we can predict what will happen tomorrow based on what we did yesterday or our plans, but none of this is a guarantee.

i think i would like to stop fearing getting stuck. but i think i also want to keep adventure a part of my life if i can. i think the answer to not getting too serious, too focused on the negativity of realities in life, are threefold. spontaneity, laughter, and fun. i think these each hold a vital role for us humans. we get too serious, too caught up in working, or trying, or striving, or whatever it is, and we miss out on moments of joy that are found in spontaneity, laughter, and fun.

it's fall today in seattle, and im feeling alive.