the tv is fuzz.

if i dont turn the cable off there is a slight buzzing noise. barely recognizable coming from the tv. whenever i visit a house without a tv i get excited. these people are noble, i think. going against the grain. probably read a lot of books i only stare at on the shelf.

i want to have one of those houses without a tv someday. not for show. but so i can see if it's true about the books. and also because i can watch the office and grey's anatomy on my computer anyways. take that! tv.

my life story starting with the tv being fuzz is different than what im writing now. i just like to use it as the title to things. i think it grasps people's attention. that's why my book is going to have it in the title. ive been thinking a lot about the idea of writing a book lately. a lot of people are doing it. so i dont want to anymore. but most of it is already written. and the rest will write itself as i put it together. it's not coherent. but neither am i, so i guess it's a good reflection the author. i cant imagine it getting published. but that's because i lack confidence. it's not like a false lack of confidence, either. you know, the kind where i say im not good at something, or something probably wont work out because i want you to say that im wrong. that i am good at it, and that it will work out. i dont really want you to say that. unless you really think so.

i dont always think that i wont finish this book. or that it wont get published. or that everyone will hate it. just sometimes. and then i dont work on it anymore because it seems overwhelming. i have two friends now who have written legit books. substantial ones that you have probably heard of. i hear thier stories of how it happened for them. and i hope for the same. but i know we are different. and there is a reason i have this idea. and maybe it will end up working out.

someone who inspires me is a woman named melody. she has a beautiful voice. and she spends a lot of time singing back up for sara groves. who also inspires me. melody recenlty completed her own cd. it had been a dream of hers for a long time. and she did it. regardless of whatever success it would bring. she fundraised for it. she recorded it. and she released it.

im going to write my book. then im going to keep living my life.

because this life. it's not about an earthly destination. it's not as if i will become something once i reach this or that destination. the journey is the destination. so, i keep journeying. a new adventure unfolds with each day.

one day i might have one of those noble houses without a tv. another day i might have a book that people i dont know end up reading. or money to pay off my student loans. but, like switchfoot says in the economy of mercy, "today i have today".

and it's unpredictable. even in the "mundane" the tv is fuzz.