my only calm is You.

i went to nashville recently. before the floods. everyone asks me if i went before the floods. i did. but, i wish i was there now. to help with rebuilding. to be a part of nashville's incredible community. i want to say with everyone that "i am nashville". i love it. i love community. what a beautiful thing.

when i was in nashville a lot happened. i mean, i did a lot of things. but, also a lot happened in my mind. and i think i grew again. i didnt really plan much. i just lived everyday. i only had 6 days, and i didnt want to rush it. i wanted to enjoy it. when i landed, it felt like home. i think there was such a struggle there for me, and then God brought me past the struggle, and now it feels like home. there is a warmth there. a hope. a community. and i have that same community in southern california. and it's older. more established. a lovely group of amazing people who want to change the world. i want to join them. and i want to be in nashville. i want a lot of things, but they are mostly to be with people. sometimes i want a car with a sunroof. or a stereo that works. but mostly i just want to be with people.

so then i dont know what to do again. what choice to make. and i know i still have time in phoenix. i like phoenix. it has been a good experience. my mom and i crack up laughing often, i made some great friends and i get to hang out with criselda, and i go to a church that is doing life in love; the way i think it's supposed to be done, and training here has really worked out. but, i dont think im staying. i dont know when im leaving though. or where to.

in my mind it's nashville (and in my heart). but it's only nashville if it happens. because if it happens it is right. and chances are i'll be reading this blog in 8 months from nashville and everything will have worked out just like it always does. and i'll be thinking, "wait, how did i even get this job..this house..these roommates?". that's how it always is. haha. oh life.

here's what im doing...looking for jobs on churchstaffing.com, youthspecialties.com, cnm.org, and americorps...in nashville. because, if i were to make the decision based on people alone, i would decide to split myself in half, or better yet, clone myself!! and one of me would go to southern california, and the other one to nashville, and still the other two would be in phoenix, and in portland. haha. really though. that would be so great. :)

but, im making the decision based on everything. God, networking, an understanding that it's no accident where we go, non profits, southern hospitality, and seasons.

ive been listening to david crowder band's latest cd, Church Music. it is so excellent. great, even, for stationary bike music. inspiring!

the song "can i lie here" caught my attention today, "can i lie here in Your arms? x2 my only calm is You, save me...my only thought is You, save me...my happiness is You, save me".

it made me think a lot. and time stopped while i closed my eyes and lip sinked to it in the gym. (only one lady was there. she has seen me do it before). i thought a lot of who God is. who He has to be. who He is has always been, and will be. how He is everything. and that is more freeing than anything else i can think of. and it made me think of not making plans. of just walking. ive been talking a lot of micah 6:8 because it keeps coming up in my life. "what does the Lord require of you, but to do justice. to love mercy. and to WALK humbly with Your God". how do you do the first two things in this verse? you walk. you walk and walk and walk, and things happen along the way. and there is still responsibility. but it looks different than it does when you are not walking with God. not just when you are not a believer, but when you are not walking with God. (we all forget..i mean, look at peter.."hey peter, I'm over here. walk to Me"-Jesus. "okay Jesus...uhh waves under me" -Peter as he looks down at the waves...SPLASH)

hey erin. walk with God.

oh...good idea.

also, the song made me think of 2 corinthians 10:5 "bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ". this is where it's talking about how our weapons of warefare are not of this world. they are mighty in God. but the idea of our thoughts. every thought captive. it means catching all our thoughts, and stopping them from preventing us from walking with God. this area is one of the big ones for me. im a daydreamer. not always a bad thing. but, can get in the way of reality. of walking. of movement.

and i thought about the line in the song, "my only thought is You, save me". when things are right in our minds, they move also to our hearts, and then we are freed from the flesh. freed to walk with God unhindered. and then there is joy. and things happen. whatever is right for us to learn. whatever is right for life to be lived the way it was created to be lived. whatever is right for God to recieve glory. whatever is right for people to be touched, to be healed, to not only hear about the love of Christ, but to see it in action (1 john 3:18). that's what happens.

it may not be what we think will happen. what we would have daydreamed would happen. but it's what happens. and sometimes it is full of sorrow. and we cant understand why it would happen. but, God has equipped us for sorrow. He has given us Himself. He has given us each other.

we are ready. we can walk across the raging sea. He is our calm. He is our thought. He is our joy. and freedom.

nashville. california. phoenix. portland. cameroon. kenya. tanzania. central african republic. swaziland. cambodia. thailand. ireland. south africa. ghana. ethiopia. rwanda.

wherever i end up, im going to keep walking. with God. and whatever happens will be right. and that will be good.