hey. whoa. life!

just thinking these days. life slows down a bit as a stay at home mom (at least for me). it's busy too. hard to explain i guess. naps are quite long and yield to "freetime" as some call it. "chore time", alone time. well, i am an extrovert, and as nap schedules and an energetic baby become more of a priority, this mom spends less and less time extrovert..ing. life things are still happening though. marriage things. friendships. desires are still springing up in my heart. but, alas, i'm sitting alone waiting for my baby to wake up a lot of the day. thinking. wishing. dreaming. day dreaming. fantasizing other people's lives via facebook. my need for extraverting lends to laziness while alone. especially combined with all the thoughts in my head. instead of getting things done, i find myself watching tv to "getaway" as if this will somehow make things better. while it is a great way to relax once in a while (i think) i do not want it to be my go to. it increases my daydreaming. takes me further from reality.

i've gotten to hang out a few nights in big groups of friends recently. people. i need this. so, this is documentation to remind myself (and my sweet husband who understands) that i should do this regularly to get my extroverts out. i need this and i need dates with my husband. (we have been working on this). ive found there are things that i need that i wish i didnt need. like my friend said last night at happy hour, "i like the idea of not wanting gifts, but i do want gifts". In the same way, i like the idea of being simple and laid back not needing to ask much of my husband, but i need to ask some of my husband. i feel better when i do. i feel better when i go out with him, and when i go out with friends. it's how i recharge. life is not about me. i know. life is life. it's weird and it's point is highly debated. i am of the camp that life is a gift with an unknown end date that is given by a Kind and Loving Creator in order that we would love Him and others, making an impact on other lives as we go along. i like that life has meaning. but it doesnt mean i always live towards this. it doesnt mean i always feel happy. or even joy. but i do find that simple things are helping. reading His Word. honesty with myself and with my husband. prayer. music. and as mentioned above: going out with my husband, and with friends. also, games. also, waking up when my baby does and seeing her so happy.

then the big things that would help: going on a new adventure. whether short term or permanent. whether nearby or far (hopefully both). instead of holding my desires inside and not sharing them because i am embarrassed or ashamed that i desire them, ive decided i'll pray through them, then share them with my husband. after all, he is my partner in life. we chose each other to walk with. might as well keep up with each other, and enjoy the journey.

end random conglomerate of thoughts. happy wednesday :)